Office Seduction
by nariB
Summary: When all else fails Jack hatches a plan to appeal to Ianto's particular sensibilities.
1. Chapter 1

Office Seduction Slide One…

Disclaimer: Not mine, if they were, well....

Jack knew there were things he was especially gifted at. He could dance. Anything from the cha-cha to the rumba and on one occasion he had been known to perform spectacularly well around a maypole, but that had more to do with his state of inebriation and his willingness to get naked, still no one complained, or at least he didn't remember anyone complaining and in the end that's all that really mattered. He also did towering and imposing quite well. But best of all he flirted like a God, not one of those minor deities that some cheese worshiping freak prayed to, no like a full blown creator of all things, flirty God, capital G.

It was as a result of this he was rendered in his current state of perplexity. He needed to think upon things. His subject, one suited cutie, was thus far unresponsive to his best flirt, the 10,000 watt, 32 tooth, shiny eyed, buttock clenched, flirt. Nothing, nada, zilch, aforementioned waist-coated hottie had had the audacity to ask if he needed something for gas and promptly wandered off to shine something irrelevant.

This was not a good thing, and it was this very dismissal, because truly there was no other word for it that had lead a somewhat stressed captain to his current state. It seemed like a brilliant plan at the time. Ianto liked lists. He made lists of everything. He liked order and Jack reasoned he would best appeal to Ianto on these terms. It had taken a week….mother of all that was holy, a full week! But Jack was a man on a mission, plus he was a creature who appreciated the aesthetic in all things, whether it be bright, shiny or tentacled.

This was his moment, Ianto would be his. He had a plan, he was filled with the smug sureness of one who knew he was onto a winner! He would give a presentation, a full 17 slide PowerPoint, with animations, transitions and perhaps a voice over, to include gratuitous use of laser pointer, Jack smirked lecherously at this thought. All would be well, PowerPoint was a dead cert, everybody loved a good PowerPoint presentation , admittedly he himself had never actually attended one, but by all accounts they were the way to go if one was trying to impress, nay bed, the admin staff…….

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Office Seduction Slide One…

Disclaimer: Not mine, if they were, well....

Jack shifted a little from one foot to the other. He felt edgy and truth be told a little sick, although that could be last nights pizza. He was nearly ready, there was only one slight hitch. He turned the laptop over in his hands again and for want of a better word, jiggled, the cable. The damn thing would not register on the boardrooms main screen, he had turned it on and off, pressed f12, held shift, then shift control f12 and finally banged it twice on the desk to no avail.

"Damn it" he thought to himself "I can rewire a TARDIS for gods sake, okay, okay, Jack concentrate"

He followed the cable with his finger and poked it a little but nothing. Sighing in frustration he considered his options. One, he could load the presentation onto the torchwood mainframe where it would be automatically routed to the boardroom. Shaking his head he dismissed that idea. Too easy for one of the others to find it and he knew there would be outrageous mocking. Two, he could ask Tosh for help, no definitely not, he shuddered at the image. Three…..well he was yet to be inspired by a three. He hummed to himself and drummed his fingers on the table.

"Okay gorgeous, think logically" He stared at the laptop, then the boardroom screen, sighed, closed his eyes, tapped his foot a little and then had his eureka moment. Sitting bolt upright he scooted, for there was no better word for it, to the back panel of the monitor.

"Aha" he yelled in triumph and then sheepishly looked around as he plugged in the large screen in the boardroom.

It was time. This was it. He was ready. He stood to his full height. Ianto was his. All his. He even went so far as to chuckle manically. He strode across the room with the demeanor of a man who had a mission, then paused, nodded his head.

"Best pee first, oh and maybe a coffee" he said to himself. Resolute he left the boardroom.

Ianto looked up to see Jack striding purposely past him, jaw set and looking determined.

"Toilet break" he thought to himself. Jack was a good leader in the field but if truth be told when in the hub without a mystery to solve he generally was distracted and fidgety unless it revolved around thoughts or actions involving coffee, sex, bodily functions or food. He was indeed a primal creature.

……Next the presentation…..


	3. Chapter 3

Office Seduction Slide One… Pt 3

Disclaimer: Not mine, if they were, well....

A/N Sorry this took so long to update

"Ianto"

Ianto flinched at Jack's roar.

"Yes Sir" he responded at a more subdued tone over the comm. He could swear he heard a low animal growl at the Sir but dismissed it.

"Can you come to the boardroom?" Ianto shook his head, maybe someday Jack would remember they were permanently linked by the comms, but not today. He wandered up to the boardroom coffee in hand.

Jack looked up as Ianto stuck his head around the door.

"You bellowed Sir?"

"Yes, yes, emm sit down….no not there" Jack pointed "there". Jack stood and paced around the table. "Right now Ianto you have been here, what, a year now and…."

Oh God Ianto thought he's going to retcon me. He opened his mouth to answer but kept silent as Jack gestured erratically at him.

"And there are things that need to be said and done that, you know, haven't been, and like I said they need to be and sometimes you try to, and then you don't, mother nature taking its course and that. You know?" Ianto waited, but it looked like Jack was finished, he shook his head slightly but no, Jacks speech still made no sense.

"So since plain speaking was not working I decided that I needed to embrace another format" Jack grinned smugly, and rather blindingly, "Powerpoint presentation" he announced with great enthusiasm.

"Oh sweet suffering Jesus" Ianto thought he had it in his head but when he looked up and saw Jack's smile falter he knew he had said it loudly and with passion. However Ianto was a man who rose to any occasion "I haven't sat through a good Powerpoint in so long". He smiled. Yep, Jacks grin was back. "I am a master" Ianto thought to himself.

Jack dimmed the lights and struck, if he was honest with himself, a stance of power and authority in front of the laptop. Pressing F5 he began.

Ianto blinked, paused, and blinked again. There was music. He hadn't expected that, music and an impressive transition. Jack grinned in triumph. The slide wiped in at speed showing a picture of, well, Jack in all his smiling glory.

'Jack'

The text blinked at Ianto. Jack nodded his head sagely.

Out of left field a transition wiped revealing a picture of Ianto. This one from his personnel file. The one that had not been updated since he joined Torchwood One, aged eighteen, slightly dumpy and plagued by spots. It was not flattering. Indeed just to emphasize his own personal issues hell the blinking text that screamed 'Ianto' seemed just to accentuate his oversized teenage head.

"Jack what the hell?" Ianto whined

"Oh right, sorry. I couldn't resist it." Jack laughed pressing the slide forward.

A new picture of Ianto filled the screen. He had to think for a moment before he recognized where it was taken. He looked at Jack quizzically. The photo showed Ianto in profile. The background was blurry but it looked like the Plaz, in the foreground was a frame, Ianto guessed it was the side of the tourist office doorframe. Ianto was sitting looking down, he remembered that day. It was one of those days when the world seemed to fold around him in the hub. It wasn't long after Lisa had died, maybe a month or two after he had come off suspension. Back then he was still having days when he couldn't breath, when the hub felt like it would crush his soul. Jack watched him constantly, Ianto knew, at first he had hated it, but slowly he had taken comfort in it. Sometimes he would just leave the tourist office and sit on the curb outside, just so he could feel the buzz of humanity around him. The oblivious masses who interacted without fear passed him by, never noticing the stranger locked in his shell.

Jack seemed to shake himself.

"Right then"

The next slide appeared with what, Ianto thought, could best be charitably described, as nausea inducing checker-board-ish-ness, if there were such a word. Jack nodded satisfied by his powerpoint styling's. He could see from the slightly unfocused look in Iantos eyes that he too was impressed. The slide dissolved into a picture of a weevil which slid across the screen in a slightly erratic path and anchored itself to the left hand side. A bullet point faded in stating

Weevil

This was followed by a Blowfish in a purple shirt and green tie, again with the bullet point

Blowfish

Finally a Hoix once more literally labeled

Hoix

The pictures faded slowly to be replaced by a large header

**Not your average job**

A new slide zipped from right to left.

**Not your average boss**

There appeared to be a small stickman with a huge smile and a long coat striking a dashing pose beside the tag line.

It was quickly replaced by slide 7 by Iantos reckoning….

'**Torchwood'**

blazed onto the screen. It appeared to have little flames coming out of it. Ianto had to admit that it was slightly impressive. He sat forward a little in his seat, he was confused but intrigued.

Click, click, click, click, click, click, pause click. Ianto heard Jack's finger hitting the forward button in quick succession but the speed and content of the slides literally stunned him

**I've tried to be **

**Subtle**

**But**

**you are an idiot **(no offense)

**so **

**you need to understand**

**your **

**Ass **

Ianto noted somewhere in the back of his mind the small doodle of an ass flashing disturbingly for emphasis

**Arse**

Dramatic pause and Jack clicked triumphantly

**IS MINE!**

Thank you. The end.

This has been a Jack Harkness production .

All rights reserved (for my personal pleasure)

Jack was proud of his closing gif of animated Ianto running to kiss stickman Jack.

Jack turned the lights back on in the conference room. He looked expectantly at Ianto who had not moved.

"Right" Ianto said pushing himself away from the table. He looked at Jack.

"Right, Okay then. Well emmm okay then. That was…" He opened his mouth then closed it again "…..Informative. Thank you, Sir" He turned and left the room without looking back.

TBC…….


	4. Chapter 4

Office Seduction Slide One… Pt 4

Disclaimer: Not mine, if they were, well....

It had been a spectacular success in Jacks modest opinion. Ianto knew where

they stood now. They were on the same page, slide, he amended in his head.

Ianto had of course been naturally overcome with the release of emotion and had

vacated the room, somewhat swiftly, in Jacks mind but still, a success none the

less. Now all he had to do was wait, well wait, and waft a few 51st century

pheromones and nature would take it course. He had planned it perfectly and he could see Ianto was truly impressed with his level of detail. He flicked through the presentation once more admiring his handiwork. He particularly liked the animated gif of the ass that blinked in a rather amusing fashion. It has been a masterstroke of poetic emphasis. He had very obviously modeled it on his own derrière as the line illustration was rather cheekily revealed when the small blue coat ends blew up. He had been a little nervous during the presentation and rushed the slide much to his annoyance, but the anticipation of Ianto being his at last had thrown him off his game. He would impress Ianto some other time when he showed him how if left on for a couple of seconds the small line drawing would serenade him with a quick Motown medely. He clicked for the next slide and had a moment of panic as the slide refused to budge but rather stayed happily blinking and singing at him on screen. He waited a moment and tried again. Nothing happened. He would never admit it, but starting at a 50inch wide animated ass singing to him was in truth a little disturbing. He nodded his head sagely, and counted his blessings for the frozen slide. Perhaps he wouldn't show Ianto after all, it was a little creepy. Shaking himself slightly he unplugged the laptop.

With a confident stride Jack vacated the boardroom. Perhaps it was due to his feeling of jubilation that he failed to notice the stunned silence that greeted him on his exit. It wasn't till he was sitting , basking in his own self reflecting glory for several minutes, at his desk did he see Tosh looking wide eyed at her screen. Tapping his earpiece he inquired if there was a problem.

"No, no, emm, no" she stuttered. Even from a distance he could see her cheeks

colour.

His interest piqued he stood to go to her desk. Seeing him come towards her Tosh started to slap her keyboard. Not, Jack noted, in her usual surgically precise manner, but with more enthusiasm and gusto that he believed was warranted. He had just made it to her desk when Owens irritated voice roared in his earpiece.

"Harkness why is there a singing arse on my monitor?"…..

TBC.

A/N Im sorry it took so long getting here my computer died a horrible death and all was lost. This chapter is short as it is a precursor to the ultimate office seduction of Ianto as the team help Jack. And yes I know my Jack is a little gormless but bless he's adorable like that plus he's just not used to the chase so is a little stumped by it.


End file.
